Remember
by Tha Wrecka

Remember. There was a time when you loved me. Do you remember? Life was simple and I was happy. I felt safe then, in the warmth of my mother's arms, and nothing could harm me when she was around. She was my safety net and she loved me as much as a mother should love a daughter. And you loved me because you had to, because it is a father's duty. There was time when I wore miniskirts in winter and ate ice cream all year round. There was a time when I used to go out and laugh with my friends. There was a time when I was intelligent, when I could string together a sentence or two when I had to. Even if I didn't interest you then (and I still don't know if I did) it didn't matter because my mother loved me.

There was a time when you loved me.

Remember? Somehow it all changed. I can't quite remember how. Did all that happiness I had suddenly sneak out the back door? Did it slowly leak from me like water from a dripping tap? When did it go wrong? When did I go wrong? Was it when she left us, or was it before that, gradually coming on while you were sleeping? I don't know. Maybe when my safety net was taken away and I just continued falling I noticed it, that things weren't all right any more, that things would never be all right again. Some how winter got freezing cold and summer became boiling hot, pain became unbearable, food became a vice. Somehow my friends disappeared and I was left alone in this darkness. Somehow I lost the ability to say anything that would make sense to you, anything you could stand. I can't remember the point I realised you didn't like me, that you hated me for my pathetic nothingness and because I wasn't you.

There was a time when you loved me.

Remember. You began to hate me one day. I became everything you weren't. My interests were wrong. My talents were useless. My opinions were invalid. Do you remember when you became a hypocrite? I don't. I just remember that my crying was weak and yours was valid and normal. I just remember that your obsessions were okay but mine were stupid and unhealthy. I remember you drinking so much that the things you did scared me but I wasn't allowed to do anything wrong. I remember you calling me a stupid bitch, a pathetic loser, annoying. I remember hating you. There are so many memories of the time after her, after mother was gone.