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Journey to the Stars
(or the Idiotic Love Story of Tegoshi and his Boyband) 11/12 by Tha Wrecka
See part 0 for details.
11.
The clouds reached out over the sky like desperately reaching fingers, leaving the day tinted a murky shade of grey. Tegoshi felt it turning his mood a little grey, too.
It seemed like Kei-chan was sick for half the tour. Tegoshi knew that Shige was really worried, even if he wasn't saying anything about it, and Tegoshi felt worried, too. The performances put a lot of demand on their bodies and, though Koyama was putting on a brave face, Tegoshi was sure it couldn't be helping him get better.
Koyama being sick meant that Shige was distracted, irritable and even more quiet than usual. In some ways it was nice for Tegoshi to get Shige all to himself more often than he usually did but it was still not as fun as when Kei-chan was around all the time. He had a way of making the group really bond and without him right there with them his lack was strongly felt. More than anything, it was quieter with him not right in the thick of things.
Winter was staying late in some parts of Japan, keeping the buses and other transport vehicles cold, windows frosted up, strange patterns coming out when Shige exhaled.
In the dreary, gray inner tunnels of buildings they played silly games, like children.
Tegoshi coerced Shige into playing a game of hide and seek, shrieking and giggling all the while. He wasn't very good at hiding. For one thing, it was really boring.
He wasn't much better at playing tag, his robe slipping down his shoulders as he tried to run and he nearly ran into the walls a number of times. Massu caught him around the waist and they toppled to the floor, Massu rolling underneath before they hit the ground. Tegoshi burst out laughing from the moment they made contact and his giggles eased slowly as he struggled to get up.
"Are you okay?" he asked, managing to sit himself on the floor next to Massu.
Masuda smiled cheerfully in response.
Shige ran to catch up to them and bent over his knees, panting in the hall with a put upon expression.
"Don't pay any attention to those morons," Ryo said as curious staff walked past.
When he tired of playing children's games Tegoshi went to bother Yamapi and sit on his lap. Yamapi indulged him, even if he didn't really seem to be in the mood to talk much.
Tegoshi felt strangely self-conscious, like Nishikido-kun was looking at him and didn't approve. He looked over to where Nishikido-kun was sitting but he couldn't tell anything from his closed-off expression or his eyes that seemed to be looking beyond his salad.
Tegoshi decided it had to be that Kei-chan's absence was making him paranoid. He let his head fall on Yamapi's shoulder and closed his eyes.
As the day wore on, Ryo was determined to be a sour note. He was in an utterly foul mood. Usually his bitchiness was really only for play but Ryo was snapping at everyone, not stepping back when his words hit too hard.
Yamapi only gave Ryo a look when he started to attack and chose to ignore everything he said. Tegoshi tried to play ignorant until Ryo yelled at him for being too loud, and then he just sat in a corner pouting.
It wasn't that he was insecure. Not really. In fact, he was fairly sure he was both talented and good-looking and that he was doing fairly well in improving himself. It's just that, somehow, standing near Nishikido-kun made him feel kind of small. It wasn't even that he was tall or that Tegoshi felt sensitive about his height in general. Kei-chan was ridiculously elongated but standing next to him didn't make Tegoshi feel this way. It was just something about Nishikido-kun's personality that made Tegoshi feel a little less big. It wasn't even that Nishikido-kun was mean. He was mostly fairly nice to Tegoshi and didn't say mean things half as often as he wanted people to believe.
There was just something about his expression. Tegoshi had thought he was starting to get comfortable around Nishikido-kun before the suspension but ever since they re-debuted it seemed like the more time he spent around him the less approachable he seemed. Tegoshi couldn't figure it out. What was going wrong?
"I don't get Nishikido-kun," Tegoshi said.
"You're having problems with him?" Massu asked.
"No. It's just, sometimes it feels like he's just too cool to talk to and he's doing much more important things and doesn't even have time to look at me. Then sometimes he will randomly just take me aside and talk to me for hours. It doesn't make sense. Half the time I'm not even sure if he likes me or not."
"Of course he likes you! Why wouldn't he like you? Didn't he say he liked you?"
"Maybe."
"I was so sure he said he liked you. Do I have to beat him up?"
"Massu!" Tegoshi exclaimed, giggling. "Don't be so silly."
"Everyone likes you, Tegoshi. Don't worry!"
"I'm not worried!" Tegoshi protested, smiling, but Massu would have none of it.
"You're thinking too much," he said, poking Tegoshi's cheek. "Why would he feed you if he didn't like you?"
"I guess," Tegoshi said, looking at his knees.
Even still, something really was bothering him.
First, Tegoshi couldn't find his hairbrush. Then he tripped over his bed on the way out of the room. He stubbed his toe in a doorway at the arena. He lost his sunglasses for three quarters of an hour. It was very trying.
He went into a corridor to breathe deeply.
"I have faith in myself. I can weather any storm," Tegoshi mumbled to himself, trying to cool down.
"What are you whispering about?" Koyama asked, his voice appearing as if out of nowhere.
Tegoshi jumped and squeaked in shock. "Nothing."
Koyama breathed out, long and smoky, all over the hallway. "Come on, tell me."
"I'm not going to talk to you when you're smoking," Tegoshi said.
"Tegoshi..."
"Go outside," Tegoshi demanded, scowling.
"Why?" Koyama questioned.
"Because your cigarettes smell disgusting and I don't want to breathe in your dirty air," Tegoshi screeched.
Yamapi sat down next to Koyama, bumped him with his shoulder.
"Why are you shivering out here?" Yamapi asked.
"Tegoshi made me go outside. Him and his stupid anti-smoking thing," Koyama replied.
"Give me a drag," Yamapi said.
"Ah, rub right there," Tegoshi murmured.
"...Tegoshi. What do you think you're doing?" Shige asked, disbelieving, paused with his fingers in Tegoshi's hair.
"My head's been hurting all day and if you just press there you'll make it all better. Please, Shige! Please!"
"No! Don't be so weird," Shige refused.
Tegoshi pleaded with him until he capitulated, nonetheless, and so Shige rolled the edges of Tegoshi's headache away.
"What were you thinking of?" Tegoshi said, trying his best to sound sultry. "Were you imagining me touching myself?"
"Actually, I was thinking about you giving Koyama a blow job."
Tegoshi was pressed between his open legs, precariously perched on the end of the bed. Yamapi leaned over him, let his hair fall into Tegoshi's face. He rubbed his cheek against the soft skin of Tegoshi's face and let his heavy breath fall on Tegoshi's face.
"Wouldn't that be hot?" Yamapi said, rubbing the flat part of his palm roughly against Tegoshi's inner thigh.
Tegoshi whimpered.
"Your mouth on his dick while I watched you. Wouldn't you like that?"
"Ah. Ah."
Yamapi slipped his open mouth over Tegoshi's ear. "I bet he'd love that. He'd love to see your pretty mouth going down on him, your pretty fingers all over him. Don't you think so?"
Tegoshi couldn't find speech.
"Maybe we should call him right now, see what he thinks of the idea," Yamapi said and blew on Tegoshi's ear as he pulled away from it.
Tegoshi moaned, curled his fingers in the fabric of Yamapi's trousers behind him. He arched his back and let his head loll against Yamapi's shoulder.
"What do you think?" Yamapi asked.
"I think you should touch me," Tegoshi managed.
Yamapi obliged. His hands slipped under the hems of Tegoshi's pants and let his fingers sear Tegoshi's skin with their heat. His fingers traced little circles as they slowly edged closer to the heat under Tegoshi's clothes. Tegoshi slid one of his hands down Yamapi's arm and fit it over his hand, pushed it all the way under his jeans.
Yamapi's hand moved over Tegoshi's hottest point and he jerked and gasped.
"You like that?" Yamapi asked.
"Yes. More," Tegoshi demanded. He dragged his own hand back out and dragged it up to behind Yamapi's head, turned them both at the right angle to let himself lick his way into Yamapi's mouth.
Yamapi's hand rubbed against him, slow and hot and never quite enough.
"How do you get the stupid buttons on your jeans open?" Yamapi growled.
Tegoshi pulled on the top button and they all slipped undone.
Yamapi worked at him properly, just right, and Tegoshi couldn't pay attention to kissing him properly, could only let his open mouth make contact with Yamapi's over and over again.
The pleasure overtook him and he spent himself over Yamapi's fingers.
Tegoshi felt completely wiped out. He slumped against Yamapi's body, breathing hard. He kind of wanted to go to sleep but he knew it'd be rude to fall asleep on Pi after the other had given him such a fabulous orgasm.
"unmogh," Tegoshi mumbled incoherently.
Yamapi gave a low laugh but the way his hand moved restlessly over Tegoshi's thigh was ready proof that he wasn't done yet.
Tegoshi rubbed his cheek against Yamapi's shoulder. "Give me a moment."
Yamapi slid his other hand through the sweaty hair at the nape of Tegoshi's neck. Tegoshi turned his head, looked into Yamapi's face. Pi's eyes were hot and his mouth was slick with spit as he let his tongue lick out at his lower lip.
Tegoshi pushed Pi back onto the bed.
Yamapi went down with a quiet "oof". He looked adorably confused, as if he couldn't imagine what he was doing down there.
Tegoshi stretched himself along his side, applied himself to unbuttoning Yamapi's shirt. Every button undone offered a further glimpse of the fantastic body underneath, the warm and nicely tanned skin that felt so nice under his fingers. Tegoshi made his leisurely way down Yamapi's body until he got to his belt.
Yamapi got impatient, undid that quickly on his own.
Tegoshi giggled. It was the matter of moments to undo Yamapi's shorts and pull his underwear down. Tegoshi just wanted to stare at it for a moment. He gingerly reached out to touch it and Pi made a low, pleased noise, almost like a hum. Tegoshi liked that noise.
He went down on Yamashita with a smile. Yamapi made a variety of interesting noises and moved his hand to Tegoshi's neck. His fingers landed by Tegoshi's ear, his thumb fell amongst Tegoshi's hair and pushed it all out of place as it moved down to the base of his neck with the loveliest pressure.
His mouth was full with it, so large and overwhelming. Tegoshi felt like he was going to choke.
He pulled back, pushed back against Pi's hand and in that moment Yamapi came all over his mouth.
Pi released his grip on Tegoshi's neck once he was done, hand over his eyes, panting like he'd run a marathon. Tegoshi crawled up the bed and flopped next to Yamapi.
Tegoshi felt too tired to move. His energy was well and truly gone and even just the idea of moving from his spot was making him kind of grumpy. From the way Yamapi was yawning he didn't look very bright and peppy, either.
"Mrggh," Tegoshi said, quietly.
Yamapi nodded a little to show his agreement and pulled the covers over them.
It was too dark and warm under the sheets to have a reason to move so Tegoshi decided not to and finally let himself flop properly onto the bed. His hair fell in his face but he couldn't find it in him to move his head far enough to do anything about it.
Yamapi settled against him, warm points of soft skin against his body. Yamapi's hair fell in Tegoshi's face, too, but he didn't mind that as much.
"Wake me in eight hours," Tegoshi murmured and stopped trying to fight the natural inclination of his eyelids to close.
Tegoshi woke to horror, Yamapi eating his gooey breakfast while leaning over the pillow.
"Don't eat in the bed!" Tegoshi exclaimed, horrified.
Crumbs were going to go everywhere and then there would be insects and mice and horrible diseases. Tegoshi could just tell.
"Don't worry," Yamapi said, mouth full of food. "I'll clean it all up later. I'll even vacuum!"
Later, as he was leaving, Yamapi detained him with a hand on his arm, for a talk.
"I need to spend more time with Ryo-chan," Yamapi said. "Is that okay?"
"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Tegoshi asked in response.
"You might want me to spend time with you, I guess."
"Yamashita-kun, you already spend more time with me than ever before! I can't ask for too much of your time though it is sweet of you to worry," Tegoshi said.
"Ah, Tegoshi is very sensible," Yamapi said, though he didn't look entirely pleased.
Tegoshi was confused. Did Yamapi expect him to get jealous or possessive? Was there something wrong with him for not wanting Yamapi all to himself?
"You should go talk to him now," Tegoshi said.
"I'll do that," Yamapi said quietly and left.
It would be easier to think of if Tegoshi wanted this to be a long term thing. He just couldn't figure out why he didn't want it to be forever, either. There was just something, at the back of his mind, holding him back from figuring out what he wanted.
Massu made him come over because, "Tegoshi never has any time for me anymore."
Tegoshi felt guilty, surprised - surely it wasn't true - but, then, he had been preoccupied lately. He didn't have much time to spend with Massu that afternoon, anyway, because he promised Yamashita-san he'd be over that night.
Unfortunately, Massu was in a weird mood from the time Tegoshi got to his house. The look on his face as he led Tegoshi to his room was strange, unpleasant.
For such a neat freak, Massu had a surprisingly messy room. Tegoshi itched to tidy it up properly, the way he had to tidy his room at home, but knew that if he did Masuda would have a meltdown.
"Massu..."
"No! I know where everything is. Don't make me change the structure."
"I didn't do anything!" Tegoshi snapped.
"I know what you're thinking," Massu returned in a sharp voice.
Tegoshi recoiled, shocked, upset.
"If you didn't even want me here-"
"I didn't say that!" Massu exclaimed.
"If you didn't even want me here then why did you ask me to come?"
Massu looked at his feet, letting the silence stretch between them for a few tense moments.
"Maybe it would be better if you left today," he said in a soft voice.
Tegoshi stood at the door, feeling sulky. Somehow even this was making him feel gross. Spending time with Massu never failed to cheer him up before.
"I know things went badly today but let's try again on the weekend, okay?" Massu recommended. "We can go shopping."
"Okay," Tegoshi replied in a small voice.
Tegoshi needed time to think so he got off the train early and walked the rest of the way to Yamapi's place.
The air was heavy with something, the late afternoon quiet from all the words not being spoken. Tegoshi felt something on the tip of his tongue, like there was something he needed to say, but he couldn't figure out what.
Yamapi had a headache so he didn't want to turn the lights on. The ever-dimming light only made it harder for Tegoshi to know what to say or do.
"What do you want to do?" he asked Yamapi.
"Ah, I don't know," Yamapi said, brushing his hands on his jeans.
Tegoshi looked away and the world went blurry in one eye.
Tegoshi gasped and bent down to the floor, searching around with his fingers.
"What's wrong?" Yamapi asked, worried. The night was turning out strangely.
"I lost a contact lens," Tegoshi replied. "I didn't bring my glasses."
"Don't you have more at home?" Yamapi asked, bending down to search the floor with him.
"Yeah, but I drove. I can't drive home without it."
The floor was rough and dusty and the light was dying. Yamapi didn't think there'd be much chance of finding it. It seemed that Tegoshi felt the same from the way he was starting to look panicky.
"Ssh, calm down," Yamapi murmured.
"I am calm." His voice didn't sound particularly calm.
Yamapi looked back at the floor and tried harder to find it. If he didn't, he had a feeling Tegoshi would have a nervous breakdown.
Of course, neither paying attention to what the other was doing, their heads knocked somewhere in the centre of the room. Tegoshi yelped, pulling back with his hand on his head, and his eyes started to look wet.
"You have a surprisingly hard head," Yamapi said.
Yamapi held his finger up to his mouth to make him be silent then grabbed Tegoshi around the neck and pulled him into an awkward hug. His hand was on Tegoshi's shoulder, his cheek against Tegoshi's hair. Tegoshi threaded his left arm under Yamapi's right and leaned into him, took deep breaths of the air between them and tried not to be a child.
Tegoshi lay sideways on the couch, let his head fall into Koyama's lap and his feet fall on Shige's. He wanted to sleep; he had an ache between his eyes that went all the way to the bone from the lack of it. He murmured when Koyama started patting his way the way his mother did when he was younger and struggled not to close his eyes.